Local Music Superstars On BBC Look North

OK, the title's misleading ;)

Chris Sharp and myself were caught on film for a segment on our local news 'Look North' on overcrowded trains. View the clip here, complete with me mopping my brow in the heat!

(Actually, the train wasn't that overcrowded - there were odd seats everywhere, the most distracting bit was the lass holding the camera who kept shoving her arse in my face.)

...When Your Life's In A Mess

I woke this morning to find that National Express have lost the ECML franchise.

I can't say I'm surprised - GNER did a reasonably good job of it and the moment the NXEC franchise took over the service went downhill with more delays (it seemed), fewer trains, less carriages, reduced buffet, no restaurant, and pretty much the entire train subject to phantom 'reserved' tickets meaning if you bought walk-on tickets you ended up standing in a vestibule (or pinching someone else's seat). The last train out of London to Wakefield was at 2030, or if you really pushed it the 2130 might not have been cancelled - useless.

(I took the GNER almost weekly when I worked for CentralNic, more recently I've taken the NXEC when seeing clients and have been shocked how bad it's turned.)

Semantics: apparently this is a 'voluntary move' by National Express - it's not having the franchise 'taken away'. Robert Peston (speaking on Radio 4 right now) seems to agree.

Regardless, from pretty much immediately it's back to British Rail - I bet Bob Crow is in orgasmic throes of ecstasy at the thought.

What I Did On My Holidays

A week and a half since the last blog entry and I'm still feeling run-down and a bit all-over-the-place. I can't really blame this on 'needing a holiday' now since last week's shenanigans either!

Last week, indeed: a trip to Magaluf for Lee's stag 'do' (pics here). We were pretty well-behaved, got reasonable suntans and worked out by the second day that if we just sat drinking beer wearing false moustaches and Hawaiian shirts we were chick-magnets. I'd rather be a novelty than be totally left alone to be honest but given how young the Magaluf totty was I think we doubled the average age of the place.

While we were over there I went to see DJ Sash! (he of 'Encore Une Fois' fame) playing a set, and got told to "fuck off Dad" by some young lass. Grand - I'm now officially a dad-dancer. Still, Sash seemed like a nice chap and it's given me a bit more of an interest in acquiring a Pioneer CDJ deck.

We travelled Easyjet - the first time I've done a budget airline since the abysmal experience I had with Ryanair in 2003-ish. In spite of initial fears I was pretty impressed with the flight itself; that said we were told nothing of the delay departing from Luton, and the stewards in Palma airport were pretty clueless about how to arrange the passengers for boarding - it looked like he was trying to herd cats. The flights were smooth, with customer-focussed on-board stewards and although the return flight didn't have all the refreshments the cuppa was reasonable. Treat it like a bog-standard bus and it'll be fine.

Back in the UK, my Roland drum pads and Alesis DM5 arrived and we spent some time last night practicing for our next Obvious Pseudonym session on 20th July. We finalised the set-list - there are three new songs of which one needs some radical re-arranging, and the other two probably need a bit of a looking-at so I'll be spending tonight and Wednesday night doing that sort of thing. It's likely we'll still do Disco Sauce and Cheggers on 20th if enough folks ask.

On Thursday we're off seeing Blur in Hyde Park (typically it's at the peak of the current heatwave, something of a pattern since we saw U2 at Twickenham); if they perform anything like their Glastonbury set it'll be fantastic. Meetings in London on Friday (and hopefully time for some photography together with a late afternoon/early evening beer or two with friends, if anyone's about).

I'm really looking forward to Saturday, which will be at least partially spent in the photography pit at London's Pride festival just in front of the stage - hurrah for press passes and Anthony's persistence! Paleday are playing with The Pink Singers, no doubt that'll be a stonking set which you really should catch if you're anywhere nearby. Still not sure who the headliner is but I know Jimmy Somerville, Kele Le Roc and Heather Small are all making an appearance.

Over on the work side, I'm slightly relieved one of the potential projects I was going to be (re)involved with has 'gone away' again (before rumours start, I'm not referring to Fotopic.net as explained in this post). This leaves me enough time to get my teeth into a couple of other new things as well as helping a few friends out. I may be back on the market in October and will probably fancy a change if anyone's hiring for then.

I mentioned in my last post that I'd stuck a 40GB 1.8" Toshiba HDD in my eeePC 901 (it being one of the early models still fitted with the ZIF socket). It's working fine although it does get a bit warm occasionally. Interesting that both the Eeebuntu and Easy Peasy variants of the Ubuntu distribution failed to install correctly (mucking up the grub install), yet the desktop edition of Ubuntu Jaunty has been absolutely flawless. Very pleased with that and gives me the bits of non-free software by default where I'd have to jump over barrels if I'd installed Debian (y'know, unimportant stuff like wireless and LAN drivers!).

Thanks to the presence of the extra codecs, I can also pop Gaydar Radio on while at work - streams just dandy over my Vodafone 3G dongle for all the cheesy dance remixes you can eat! Just plop mplayer http://mp3.gaydarradio.com/high on your command line and Robert's your mother's brother. Huzzah!

So that's it for the moment. Braindump over.

Pet Shop Boys at Manchester Apollo

And so last night we went to see the Pet Shop Boys in Manchester, at the Apollo theatre. This was one of two gigs planned in the UK on the Pandemonium tour celebrating their Brits Lifetime Achievement award together with the release of their latest album Yes.

I don't mind the Apollo as a venue. The sound is usually pretty good (I've seen a few acts there including Kraftwerk and The B-52s), there's a reasonable pub next to where everyone queues, there's designated areas for aisles, and the loos are kept clean. We were standing down near the stage, probably about 3 or 4 rows back (principally thanks to Mel pushing her way through - an expert in this I think, I'm probably just too polite to try that).

The support act was Frankmusik: I'd never even heard of this guy but wasn't impressed. The sound production was horrendous, too bass-heavy and you couldn't really hear any of the keyboard. I suspect it would have been OK-ish if it'd been produced properly yet when I nipped to the loo halfway through the act the gents was full of blokes saying 'this is rotten, wish I'd stayed in the pub'.

The stage itself was, er, minimal. Or at least it looked so - two stacks of white carton boxes, and a little kitchenette-style place for Chris Lowe to stand with his synthesisers. Over the top peeked an Apple studio display, a Moog Voyager and a couple of drum-pad triggers. At the other end of the stage could be glimpsed another keyboard and a trumpet; roadies dressed in white lab coats and white hard-hats milled around occasionally.

And so onto the Pet Shop Boys. The lights dim, two dancers appear, Neil and Chris come out from behind the white cartons wearing coloured boxes on their heads and we're into a bass-heavy remix of What Have I Done To Deserve This?. So far, so typically PSB!

The set list featured the entire range of hits, medleys of soundbites (sometimes odd little bits which were only noticeable by the hardcore fans), some surprises (Two Divided By Zero from the Please album, Do I Have To? which was the B-side of the original Always On My Mind 7" single). An interesting addition was the introduction to ...Zero which directly sampled Kraftwerk's remix track Numbers (latterly from The Mix). In any case, it was a haphazard mix of elements of almost everything they've done, a luxury of having a massive back catalogue - and it worked brilliantly.

The minimal staging didn't last long. During the course of Building A Wall the cartons cascaded down ad-hoc to reveal an even larger back wall, and cartons all over the stage giving the impression of a huge rubble stack. Wow. Chris Lowe's 'kitchenette' lit up in something akin to an up-ended disco dancefloor (or perhaps a massive Rubik's Cube).

One common element of PSB gigs is the dancers, and these didn't disappoint: muscular supple accompaniments to each song, with Jealousy and Go West in particular standing out. The white cartons were used for building, throwing, climbing... everything really, all while projections cast video over the scenes. Costume changes every few songs, silver heart-balloons, and two huge glitter-cannons showering the audience towards the end of It's A Sin (we were picking glitter-strips out of each other's hair and clothes all the way back to the car).

So what didn't happen? Notable by their absence were Where The Streets Have No Name and Paninaro (although the introductory timpani was used to introduce Go West - Chris playing drum pads to trigger all sorts of samples as opposed to just having the keyboard and screen as on past tours). Neil's flambuoyant outfits complemented the scenes (how the heck he switches so fast is a mystery to me), and although Chris came out to join the dancers for a short time, he didn't sing or say anything - not even miked up this time. So no Paninaro.

It was truly an excellent gig, one of the most enjoyable. The only downside was the badly produced bass which spoiled Being Boring for me, although really that hasn't stopped me booking tickets already for the gig at the MEN Arena on 20th December. See you there.

Mobile Phone Cameras Are Killing Live Music

And so last night we went to see the Pet Shop Boys at Manchester Apollo. I'll blog about that in a bit but this is a little more of a grouch, so deserves its own blog entry. Actually no, it's a full-on rant.

PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PUT YOUR FUCKING CAMERA PHONE DOWN AND WATCH THE GIG YOU PAID A FORTUNE TO COME AND SEE.

I am absolutely sick to the back teeth of paying a fortune for concert tickets to go and watch a band, purely to have some retard in front of me holding his camera phone sky high so I can either watch his arms or see it all through the back of his LCD display. This applies especially to large concert venues with stalls, gigs with lots of visuals, or places where we're all crammed together and dancing.

So, tips for aspiring photographers at gigs, please:
  • Remember people are standing behind you - they don't want to see you fiddling with your camera all the way through. They paid just as much as you for a ticket (and may be shorter in stature as well).
  • If you do want to take a few photos (which is fine, I do it myself with the Canon G9 occasionally), don't do it throughout the entire gig. At some gigs I get asked to photograph, I'm restricted to a couple of songs where I can take pics then I have to sod off (or at least not get the camera out again) - take the lead from that, the rule's there for a reason.
  • Feel free to stand in the aisles, in front of a stairwell, next to a wall, somewhere like that and hold it high if you want - at least you're not pissing anyone off behind you.
  • If you're not backed by a wall, aisle, etc. then hold the camera at head height, not a foot and a half above.
  • If all else fails and you do want photos, take your pics in the cheering, applause, etc. when there's no major performance going on - folks can't really object to that when they've got their hands in the air cheering!
  • Turn the flash off! You will get shit photos with the flash on, probably of the backs of the heads of the two rows in front of you and unless you're an aspiring hairdresser this will not be what you want.
  • Likewise they don't want to smell your armpits. It's hot in here, don't make the experience worse.
  • Avoid taking video - the sound will be terrible (loud, distorted), the quality will be awful, and the bloke standing behind you will miss an entire song.
  • Hey, you might be on a hide into nothing anyway: unless you have brought a reasonable point-n-click your phone photos will be rubbish - blurry, lots of movement.
  • The gig photographers will do a better job than you, why not look on Flickr for the event tomorrow morning instead (I found some pics of last night's gig which are lovely)?
  • Remember YOU PAID HARD EARNED DOSH TO SEE THE BAND, NOT HOLD YOUR CAMERAPHONE UP.

So, last night I finally said something to the guy in front of me: "'Scuse me feller," says I. "Are we all going to have to watch the gig through your phone screen?" "Er, no. Sorry." he stammered. At least he did shift it, and was suitably embarrassed. It's just thoughtless.

This may strike you as hypocritical considering I profess to be a reasonably competent gig photographer (and get frequent requests from bands to take photos for them). Fair one. However, I try and be careful not to get in the way and I think I do that pretty well (doing stupid things like crouching next to million-decibel speaker stacks, and less stupid things like turning off the LCD) - OK there's been one transgression (knocking a mike stand, thankfully in an almost deserted pub) which I duly beat myself up over for days afterwards but by and large I'm there to get in the way as little as possible.

Ergo, I'm not saying "don't take photos" - I'm saying "don't let it get in the way of other paying customers' enjoyment of the gig."

In other words, just be considerate eh?

Off To Spain Next Week!

This time next week I'll be on a beach in Majorca, a 'stag-do' in honour of my good friend Lee and his upcoming nuptials. I must admit I'm a little nervous - I can't say I've been on many stag nights, and of those I have there's only been two really blotto events and one of those was my own! It's also the first time I've flown Easyjet and reading the media reports of these budget airlines I'm expecting to be stung financially for everything going. I shall treat it as a voyage of adventure, and a much-needed space to have a good solid think about a few things. Lee reckons the wireless might stretch to the beach so there'll probably be updates on the twat-o-tron. S'pose I'd better buy a little suitcase.

So, with a week away I'll need to take the eeePC just in case I need to be 'available' for any work stuff. What's the least sensible thing to do with 4 days to go before we fly out? Ah yes, do a major hardware upgrade on it and reinstall the OS! I've finally got pissed off with the slow speed of the internal SSD and purchased a 40GB 1.8" ZIF disk (since my eeePC 901 is an early model with the ZIF connector still on the motherboard) - all I'm waiting on now is the ZIF cable and then I can do the surgery. Adding to that, Nicky attacked the keyboard with a splash of mustard at the weekend so F10/F11/F12 don't work, preventing me from running Firefox in full-screen mode: a replacement keyboard arrived the other day but I thought I'd do the entire lot at once. Expect swearing from Spain.

We're off to see the Pet Shop Boys in Manchester tonight with Mel (Dan's missus and one of our OP groupies)! I've got high hopes Johnny Marr will turn up, he features quite heavily on the new album; another friend just suggested Bernard Sumner may put in an appearance. Eeeeeeeeeeeeee! (<- Girly squealing)

Work-wise, I've had my contract extended at Saltaire which has given me peace of mind regarding work on my return from holiday; I'm also back in the thick of estate agency online services (more specific details when it's launched), and fettling my own accounts and CRM software. My new Nominet tag got approved meaning I can abstract my domain names from previous business relationships (it must be 10 years since I last had a 'personal' Nominet tag although strictly speaking this is for my own consultancy clients): Nominet do seem to have streamlined the process although their 'registrar exam' thingy was a bit confusing to drive through.

Anyway, beaches and beers next week - it'll be a nice change (even if it's raucous) and of course I'm excited about it, yet I can't see myself getting away without making notes on a few projects and turning things over in my head. I'll guess I'll have to save the real rest and few unbillable days off for France in August.

Accomplishment, But Not...

A bit of an odd weekend really, I know I did lots but I've got this feeling that I've actually accomplished nothing. Friends will no doubt disagree but it's just a vague feeling of not being able to see the wood for the trees.

This could be because a couple of potentially disastrous things happened last week although they were largely sorted by the time Friday evening came around. I'm certainly trying to eat properly and keep reasonably in shape, so I'm not blaming this vagueness on blood sugar issues. Strange really. Maybe it's just because I'm not really getting my teeth into anything and firefighting everyone else's projects.

So, as for accomplishing things: the extremely heavy dancefloor is back in the garage (thanks for the help there Dan); the new cat flap is fitted (rfid tagged kitties, they're really annoyed now they wear collars but it's pretty cool having a display which tells us which cats are in and which are out); I'm all up to date on uploading photos; two new projects have staging areas and framework sorted; I've cleared a load of crap out of the garage; I've finally managed to get my grandparents' old B&O Beomaster 1200 stereo hooked up in the office (mmm, FM does sound nice through it although the base needs new indicator bulbs); worked out that the Beogram 1202 needs the motor stripping and rebuilding at the very least, but more about that later...

I also picked up four tickets each for Party In The Park 2009 at Temple Newsome (where pop youngster Little Boots will be headlining), and also for Opera In The Park 2009 where Nicky will be performing as part of Leeds Festival Chorus. If you were in the queue in Millennium Square during the morning I may have inadvertently taken photos of you.

I spent a lot of yesterday plugged into my headphones in front of Logic, so we now have almost complete backing tracks for two of the songs we'll be performing at the forthcoming Obvious Pseudonym Do Open Mic Monday gig. 6 weeks to go, we're more relaxed but still not exactly sure which songs we'll be performing (and probably won't until a few days before) but I'm quite optimistic of a November release for the album, probably launched at our first full gig.

Realistically the feeling of ennui and bollocks should go away by the end of the week when I head to Spain for a week with friends (missing half of the British GP, gah). I can't really afford to do 'no work' all week but I do intend to sort my head out somewhat.

More anon. Hopefully less emo next time ;)

I've Not Abandoned You All...

OK OK, I've been quiet and I don't want to be accused of running an abandoned blog so here's a haphazard update on what's going on in JoelWorld!

First off, let's get the band stuff out of the way. Obvious Pseudonym been practicing since our appearance at Open Mic a few weeks ago - given we've got some new songs (woo!) we will (provisionally) be performing again on Monday 20th July at 9pm. Should be great fun, tell all your mates, it'll be at The Hop again but we're aiming to be on a little earlier this time round.

It's calmed down a bit on the gig photography front (principally because I'm physically exhausted owing to overwork) but I did show up at Clarence Park for Wakefield Music Collective's Young Bands Showcase with Subliminals, Talk With Lies, David Tattersall and Off-License. That's led to a few other bands hoping I'll photograph them and consequently I've done a few nights in Leeds for local bands also. Incidentally if you're interested I'm still maintaining an unofficial Hop gig guide which will tell you in a text-only format who's on - it's so web0.1, darling.

Work-wise, I'm still up in Saltaire where my head is swimming with broadcast engineering terms such as QAM, FEC, DVBS, roll off, polarisation and bouquet. I'm not sure how long I'll be here but it's certainly been a refreshing change learning about a different sector. Ideally I'd like to stop here a bit longer since it's a good education but as always it depends on whether the budgets allow for it (and the all-omnipotent HR department of course).

In the meantime I'm doing quite a bit of research work for the chaps in Hendon: that's all about e-learning and pushing streaming video out for leadership training purposes, less video-on-demand and more video-forced-upon-you ;) It's keeping my hand in using Adobe Flash and given me a bit of an impetus to refresh my Actionscript knowledge, as well as much-needed experience working with a PSO.

(Sidenote: you can definitely tell companies are being more cautious - decisions take longer to percolate through and paperwork is slower to get signed, a frustrating situation for someone like myself who wants everything signed, sealed and sorted before I show up on-site. Don't get me wrong, eventually it all goes through the system but it's just a lot slower right now!)

All that plus existing care-and-maintenance work has left precious little time to relax, but we did manage to head up to Newcastle Theatre Royal to see the recording of the forthcoming Radio 4 series of I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue. The BBC are using three different chairmen since the sad death of Humphrey Lyttelton: ours was Rob Brydon (the others being Jack Dee and Stephen Fry). A very very amusing night - two programmes were recorded with about 1h20m of material each, which will be boiled down to 30 minutes broadcast on 13th and 20th July. The only sad point: I'd expected Samantha to retire when Humph died but she's still knocking around. It'll be interesting to see how the new series is received.

Coming up we're off to see Blur in Hyde Park, photographing at London Pride for Paleday, off to see Pet Shop Boys in Manchester and sometime in August we're off to see U2 in Sheffield.

Holiday-wise, in a couple of weeks I'm off to Palmanova with a few friends (it's a stag do but I suspect trains will be involved) and then later in the Summer we'll be in Cap d'Agde; it's all booked and paid for so I just need to work my arse off and look forward to recharging the batteries when the day comes. But honestly it can't come a moment too soon - phew.

Finally, we're selling our old car. It's a Citroen Picasso 2001, listed on eBay. It's done about 107000 miles, MOT/tax/test all due, bit noisy at times but is in reasonable nick - drop us a line if you want it.

Eurovision 2010 Dates Confirmed

Just seen this courtesy of @bbceurovision:
Eurovision dates for 2010 confirmed as: 25th and 27th May (semi-finals) and 29th May (Grand Final) in OSLO, Norway
Better start thinking about your outfits, folks :P

YouTube Video Of OP's First Ever Gig

And if you weren't there you can still watch... Lee took this on his mobile phone:



Pretty good really, even for a tinny mobile handset microphone :)

You can just about see me behind Si, bopping away as I played, and with arms waving around at the end. And going 'guilty!' in the court bit at the end.

Losing My Virginity

That's it, done, over with. 3 hours of nerves and pacing around and things followed by 15 minutes of utter frenzy then the sheer afterglow I haven't come down from yet (and it's been 2 hours since). Obvious Pseudonym's first gig, a bit of a blur for me really, getting carried away at the keyboards and seeing the whole pub singing along to Cheggers. Ah, yes, and I can heartily recommend Mainstage as a live performance system.

This has been one of the best nights of my life and I'm going to wait for the photos to prompt me to remember things (ably I'm sure snapped by Col); rumours also abound folks were taking video. Really, we were fucking ace, absolutely tight, very well done. Kudos to my bandmates Bernard and Sminky on vocals, and The Man In Black on guitar - a fantastic performance IMO.

...and thankyou to our Obvious Pseudomaniacs, our fans who showed up to cheer us on, people who came to support us, you lot are absolutely awesome.

If you want to hear more of our stuff, there's badly-produced studio versions here, here and the last studio version of Disco Sauce is available as an MP3 here.

Of course, the ambition is fulfilled but it's left me with a hunger for more. In short, watch this space...

Edit: I've been asked a few times, our setlist was Disco Sauce, Take Away The Tears and Keith Chegwin For A Day and the evening was very ably engineered by Ryan Mitchell-Smith for whom we thank profusely for his time and effort :)

The Calm Before The Storm

In 12 hours' time I will be standing in The Hop, listening to guitarists who perform music a lot better than I, wondering if I really did get the levels right on the strings (because I won't be able to do anything about it then), unable to have any alcohol because I won't want my fingers to get tangled and - frankly - I will be shitting myself.

Yep, it's Bank Holiday Monday 25th May, and tonight's the night Obvious Pseudonym are performing a short set at The Hop (Bank Street) in Wakefield!

I must admit I'm nervous because it's not your usual Monday-night-at-The-Hop fare, involving keyboards, a vocoder and a sequencer - we've been saying we're "bringing pop to The Hop" and goodness knows we've been through it enough. For someone who's been used to standing up and giving presentations, or even singing my heart out on telly (in my choral youth) it doesn't seem logical that I've been having the odd panic attack!

Please do come down and cheer if you can - we're on at about 10pm. Col's said he'll take some pics so if you can't make it then hopefully he'll post those pretty quick. I'll also twitter about it (and if not on there then on the Obvious Pseudonym twitter thingy).

If all goes well then I guess we'll start making arrangements to do a full gig. The first time's always the hardest, eh?

See you on the other side.

Six Days To Go...

In case it's skipped your memory, Obvious Pseudonym are playing at The Hop in Wakefield next Monday 25th May, with a lineup of Sminky Hotsauce and Madame Bernard on vocals, Cap'n B (myself) on keys and programming, and The Man In Black on guitar. We're aiming to be on at about 10pm but owing to the nature of Open Mic Monday it could fluctuate either side.

We've actually been practicing too! I can thoroughly recommend Diamond Studios in Wakefield who were recommended to us. Even so, I'm still crapping myself... and I'm sure it'll be awesome :)

You can of course become a fan on Facebook, and get more info about the event. Actually, becoming a fan is advisable since then you'll get notice of the new studio recordings when we release them for a limited period.

Maybe see you there? :P

Joel & Nicky's Eurovision Party 2009

So it's over - Norway's won Eurovision 2009 after a rather excellent contest where (I think) the juries prevented bloc-voting and some damn good songs got scored. That said, 2009 will be known as the year of the 90s ballad.

There was genuine surprise at Germany's poor scoring and Greece's flop (despite the conveyor belt and giant stapler). Also surprising was Ireland failing to make it into the final - it was a good song! Dita Von Teese did nothing for Germany apart from stand around looking awkward - a real shame that. Ultimately though I'm really not surprised at Norway being the winner; it's a catchy tune fronted by a young lad with stage presence.

Jade Ewen did very well - a crap song, still dull, but it got the points and put the UK back in the running. We missed Terry but what little I heard of Graham Norton was promising; we also had Ken Bruce on Radio 2 in the kitchen so I caught a bit of that, however I'd really like to see Paddy O'Connell do next year's final.

We partied of course (photos here)! It was fancy dress: I came as Dima Bilan (last year's Russian winner) after long deliberation over whether I could get away with looking as cute as this year's Norwegian winner (the answer was, er, no). Nicky donned a green outfit and woolly sparkly gimp mask (!) as the Albanian entry. Other folks showed up in outfits too in varying levels of effort (I'm pretty sure this is Rachel's day-to-day outfit, y'know...).

Other highlights redux: Dan's cookies; Karen's Baileys trifle; singing 'happy birthday' to Suzy; Jade getting poked in the eye by a violin bow; the Macarena; Lee's double-decision to drink vodka and drink for Norway (oops); Dima Bilan's fly-wire getting tangled... there was probably more but it passed in a blur!

And after all that, ESCtoday.com has the analysis for bloc voting, What If scenarios (I'd be interested to see one split by jury/non-jury methods to see if they really did make a difference), and stats in the final. Interesting stuff.

Oslo 2010 then - well done Norway, well done Jade, the decorations are down for another year and the disco lights are back in the loft. Au revoir Moscow!

Eurovision 2009 Semi Final #2

We got Te Deum! Yay! So here's the second semifinal, Nicky and I have curry, the kids are allowed to stop up for a few songs... and here we go:
  1. Croatia: It's Gary Barlow isn't it? I'm sure we did blondes with wind machines last year - the one on the left's showing her knickers, or is it just a costume change? The consensus from us lot is dull.
  2. Ireland: Good song, rocking out! Appealing to the kids, Ellie's going nuts! And the one at the side has bouncy tits so it's fun for Dad too! We like, very much.
  3. Latvia: I heard this the first time and thought they said 'vodka' - Ben and Nicky like it. Is that Timothy Claypole as lead singer?
  4. Serbia: Gwen Stefani sulking on stage and, er, that wig. And some clones! Hurrah! Clones at last! I quite like the 80s graphics, must use that idea.
  5. Poland: Didn't we have ballet dancers last year too? Good voice, pretty, not a bad ballad. Extras out of Jesus Christ Superstar lurking in the background.
  6. Norway: Violinist's got a cheeky smile, although the cheesy Cherie Blair/Mark Owen gurn is getting tiresome after a minute or so. He's lost some horsehair on that bow too but well staged. Could be the winner.
  7. Cyprus: They're not in tune, although I've not had the experience of spinning around on a glowing box while trying to sing. Nicky likes it.
  8. Slovakia: Pity about her singing but it's atmospheric - and it's got designer stubble in it, almost Pellowesque. This one goes through we think. He's going to have an eye out with that cello spike.
  9. Denmark: Quite aside from the on-screen graphics spelling Ronan Keating's name incorrectly, you can't half tell it's his tune. In fact I've a funny feeling I accused this guy of being the Danish Ronan Keating before I even knew Keating had written this, so there. Not quite sure about the Reich military uniforms on the drummer and keyboardist either. Inoffensive pop, Nicky's mum would like it.
  10. Slovenia: Again, ace staging. There's a definite theme here of carrying your cello on your shoulder, eh? Back in February I wondered if they'd have a string orchestra on stage and yes they do. More singing though please, preferably not from the child of Rachel Stevens and whatsherface from Steps. Spasiba!
  11. Hungary: Awful start, but we've got costume changes. Legs akimbo from the girlies but Nicky thinks it's a gay anthem. Whatever, I bet the studio version's ace so it's off on the playlist for Saturday. The singing is the weak link here, I reckon they've got no monitors (Jemini, anyone?)
  12. Azerbaijan: The lass just had a "what am I doing?" look, oops. Posh Spice clones on backing vocals. The metallic 'almost-stockings' they're wearing do nothing for them.
  13. Greece: The favourite. Europop, you can imagine this on a beach - at least some of it anyway. He's got a conveyor belt! That is ace! Truly this is conveyor-belt pop! Very well staged, they've obviously put a fuckton of money into that.
  14. Lithuania: Bad key change in the middle but Nicky reckons it's coming off well as a contrast to Greece. Bad 80s teen-movie hair on the backing singers. The fire is a nice touch at the end. N reckons 'backing music at a dinner party'.
  15. Moldova: Ginger Spice, and she's back with more teeth, a bad dye job, and an ethnic... er, over-ethnic... um yeah. Nice boots, not got the tits for that corset.
  16. Albania: Wiggly head thing - I've always wanted to be able to do that but I'm just not jointed right. Really I tried, spent hours in front of the mirror practicing and everything and... what the fu... sequined gimp outfit? Kinky. I now claim trademark and copyright over the word 'glittergimp'. Headspinning. Pretty girl from a distance. Noel Fielding's extras from Mighty Boosh - it's all here kids! Oh, yeah, the song's shite and she can't sing.
  17. Ukraine: Oh how decadent, Romans! Wish the camera would bloody focus or even stop in one place, I can't tell who's who here. It's a shame, because I bet it's really staged well - good outfits anyway. Nicky wants one of those silver-clad Romans for Christmas please.
  18. Estonia: Definitely ballad-and-string-instrument year. Good music for a car advert maybe. Performed well, I like the galactic stuff on-stage.
  19. Netherlands: Love will make glow in the dark apparently. I like this! Crap mixing on the vocals but a good old fashioned Eurovision song (as Paddy said). This deserves to go through. I'd like a suit like that.

And on that note I'm off to finish the last of the soldering for the dancefloor!

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