Joel's Mundane Life

Alright, so I'm not so annoyed any more after I've just found out from the BBC Eurovision twitter feed that Pete Waterman will be producing the UK's entry this year.

I guess we can look forward to something dance-y then, I really hope it's not a ballad!

(Personally, I'd have quite liked to work with him, but t'was not to be...)

Edit: BBC's got a proper announcement here.

Edit2: There's been some confusion as to whether he's producing or writing the entry - even @bbceurovision don't seem to know, stating 'The press release says "Pete Waterman to write the UK entry" and Pete "...will produce" as well. So it seems he'll do both!'. Not so sure about that...!

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The Eurovision Song Contest 2010 is around the corner: between the heats on 25th-27th May and the subsequent final on 29th May, 39 different countries will be participating in Oslo.

Song selection processes are very much in swing across the European Broadcasting Union, with the major exception being the entry from our own fair isle. We usually arrive at the party late and badly prepared, which in my opinion is why we don't have the support we normally do.

Are we complacent because (as funding members of the EBU) we automatically get a 'bye' to the final? Is it just bad management at the BBC? Last November Jayne Collins Casting announced they were looking for acts to potentially represent the UK (*cough*) and more recently the BBC Eurovision team twittered that "the date and format is yet to be announced" in the selection process (adding there would be "an announcement soon", echoed by their micro-site). I've had word from 'the underground' that the BBC team have u-turned on several ideas and the ESC fansites are rife with whinges about it.

But this is not what should be happening! Straight after Christmas the selection process should be started and hyped! By mid to late February we should have an act attempting to hit the charts with a pre-Eurovision song, and then the contest itself! There is plenty of time under the contest rules to have all this sorted, especially as the time limit for the entrant song is that it must not have been written or released prior to 1st October of the previous year. Gah. As one fan put it on the ESCtoday.com site, "seeing as the BBC are a little bit late this year to do a multi-week contest, signs are pointing to a more traditional selection for us this year".

In any case, Nicky and myself won't be in Oslo - we'll be in Wakefield, doing our usual Eurovision party. Best get thinking about costumes!

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Just seen this courtesy of @bbceurovision:

Eurovision dates for 2010 confirmed as: 25th and 27th May (semi-finals) and 29th May (Grand Final) in OSLO, Norway

Better start thinking about your outfits, folks :P

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So it's over - Norway's won Eurovision 2009 after a rather excellent contest where (I think) the juries prevented bloc-voting and some damn good songs got scored. That said, 2009 will be known as the year of the 90s ballad.

There was genuine surprise at Germany's poor scoring and Greece's flop (despite the conveyor belt and giant stapler). Also surprising was Ireland failing to make it into the final - it was a good song! Dita Von Teese did nothing for Germany apart from stand around looking awkward - a real shame that. Ultimately though I'm really not surprised at Norway being the winner; it's a catchy tune fronted by a young lad with stage presence.

Jade Ewen did very well - a crap song, still dull, but it got the points and put the UK back in the running. We missed Terry but what little I heard of Graham Norton was promising; we also had Ken Bruce on Radio 2 in the kitchen so I caught a bit of that, however I'd really like to see Paddy O'Connell do next year's final.

We partied of course (photos here)! It was fancy dress: I came as Dima Bilan (last year's Russian winner) after long deliberation over whether I could get away with looking as cute as this year's Norwegian winner (the answer was, er, no). Nicky donned a green outfit and woolly sparkly gimp mask (!) as the Albanian entry. Other folks showed up in outfits too in varying levels of effort (I'm pretty sure this is Rachel's day-to-day outfit, y'know...).

Other highlights redux: Dan's cookies; Karen's Baileys trifle; singing 'happy birthday' to Suzy; Jade getting poked in the eye by a violin bow; the Macarena; Lee's double-decision to drink vodka and drink for Norway (oops); Dima Bilan's fly-wire getting tangled... there was probably more but it passed in a blur!

And after all that, ESCtoday.com has the analysis for bloc voting, What If scenarios (I'd be interested to see one split by jury/non-jury methods to see if they really did make a difference), and stats in the final. Interesting stuff.

Oslo 2010 then - well done Norway, well done Jade, the decorations are down for another year and the disco lights are back in the loft. Au revoir Moscow!

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We got Te Deum! Yay! So here's the second semifinal, Nicky and I have curry, the kids are allowed to stop up for a few songs... and here we go:

1. Croatia: It's Gary Barlow isn't it? I'm sure we did blondes with wind machines last year - the one on the left's showing her knickers, or is it just a costume change? The consensus from us lot is dull.
2. Ireland: Good song, rocking out! Appealing to the kids, Ellie's going nuts! And the one at the side has bouncy tits so it's fun for Dad too! We like, very much.
3. Latvia: I heard this the first time and thought they said 'vodka' - Ben and Nicky like it. Is that Timothy Claypole as lead singer?
4. Serbia: Gwen Stefani sulking on stage and, er, that wig. And some clones! Hurrah! Clones at last! I quite like the 80s graphics, must use that idea.
5. Poland: Didn't we have ballet dancers last year too? Good voice, pretty, not a bad ballad. Extras out of Jesus Christ Superstar lurking in the background.
6. Norway: Violinist's got a cheeky smile, although the cheesy Cherie Blair/Mark Owen gurn is getting tiresome after a minute or so. He's lost some horsehair on that bow too but well staged. Could be the winner.
7. Cyprus: They're not in tune, although I've not had the experience of spinning around on a glowing box while trying to sing. Nicky likes it.
8. Slovakia: Pity about her singing but it's atmospheric - and it's got designer stubble in it, almost Pellowesque. This one goes through we think. He's going to have an eye out with that cello spike.
9. Denmark: Quite aside from the on-screen graphics spelling Ronan Keating's name incorrectly, you can't half tell it's his tune. In fact I've a funny feeling I accused this guy of being the Danish Ronan Keating before I even knew Keating had written this, so there. Not quite sure about the Reich military uniforms on the drummer and keyboardist either. Inoffensive pop, Nicky's mum would like it.
10. Slovenia: Again, ace staging. There's a definite theme here of carrying your cello on your shoulder, eh? Back in February I wondered if they'd have a string orchestra on stage and yes they do. More singing though please, preferably not from the child of Rachel Stevens and whatsherface from Steps. Spasiba!
11. Hungary: Awful start, but we've got costume changes. Legs akimbo from the girlies but Nicky thinks it's a gay anthem. Whatever, I bet the studio version's ace so it's off on the playlist for Saturday. The singing is the weak link here, I reckon they've got no monitors (Jemini, anyone?)
12. Azerbaijan: The lass just had a "what am I doing?" look, oops. Posh Spice clones on backing vocals. The metallic 'almost-stockings' they're wearing do nothing for them.
13. Greece: The favourite. Europop, you can imagine this on a beach - at least some of it anyway. He's got a conveyor belt! That is ace! Truly this is conveyor-belt pop! Very well staged, they've obviously put a fuckton of money into that.
14. Lithuania: Bad key change in the middle but Nicky reckons it's coming off well as a contrast to Greece. Bad 80s teen-movie hair on the backing singers. The fire is a nice touch at the end. N reckons 'backing music at a dinner party'.
15. Moldova: Ginger Spice, and she's back with more teeth, a bad dye job, and an ethnic... er, over-ethnic... um yeah. Nice boots, not got the tits for that corset.
16. Albania: Wiggly head thing - I've always wanted to be able to do that but I'm just not jointed right. Really I tried, spent hours in front of the mirror practicing and everything and... what the fu... sequined gimp outfit? Kinky. I now claim trademark and copyright over the word 'glittergimp'. Headspinning. Pretty girl from a distance. Noel Fielding's extras from Mighty Boosh - it's all here kids! Oh, yeah, the song's shite and she can't sing.
17. Ukraine: Oh how decadent, Romans! Wish the camera would bloody focus or even stop in one place, I can't tell who's who here. It's a shame, because I bet it's really staged well - good outfits anyway. Nicky wants one of those silver-clad Romans for Christmas please.
18. Estonia: Definitely ballad-and-string-instrument year. Good music for a car advert maybe. Performed well, I like the galactic stuff on-stage.
19. Netherlands: Love will make glow in the dark apparently. I like this! Crap mixing on the vocals but a good old fashioned Eurovision song (as Paddy said). This deserves to go through. I'd like a suit like that.

And on that note I'm off to finish the last of the soldering for the dancefloor!

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Righty ho, aside from wibblings on Twatter here's some thoughts both from myself and Nicky while we're clearing up ready for the party on Saturday!

Although I love the stage and effects this year (each year the AV gets better and better) but one gripe: where was the Te Deum? HERESY!

Anyway, on with the acts:

1. Montenegro: Abba's "Gimme Gimme Gimme". N reckons good song to start with, she looked like Sigourney Weaver in Ghostbusters.
2. Czech Republic: Slicked back hair and painted-on moustache reminds me of Bugsy Malone. Catchy song tho, even if the outfit leaves something to be desired. Hey ho, let's go.
3. Belgium: If Showaddywaddy, Elvis, Alvin Stardust, Mark Kermode and Shakin' Stevens had babies this is what they'd look like. Catchy but couldn't hear the lyrics.
4. Belarus: Ronan Keating joins The Darkness
5. Sweden: Crap staging, weak chorus. What the hell were those masks?
6. Armenia: Is she boz-eyed?
7. Andorra: It's Ginger Spice! Not a bad song, crap production. Poor staging. Actually this one improved as it went on.
8. Switzerland: Promising, really liked it as a studio track but performance is *awful*. A real shame.
9. Turkey: Dum Tek Tek indeed. Not special. Contender for the winner.
10. Israel: Must be cynical about this one, purely as Israel's "other way" is not very diplomatic. Plus the song is damned boring, and one of the singers is Hillary Clinton.
11. Bulgaria: Elongated Brady Bunch! The woman lead singer is truly terrifying. Excellent staging, what the HELL is that caterwauling in the middle section?! PAIN. And even more PAIN.
12. Iceland: despite Paddy O'Connell saying this performer is a peach, I can definitely confirm she's a female human. Nice song, pretty ballad. Very Radio 2.
13. Macedonia: Bon Jovi without the nice arses. Rock wallpaper.
14. Romania: Mostly in tune. Nice hook.
15. Finland: First Euro-pop anthem of the night and deserves to get through on that basis alone. Touch of the Barbie Girl about it, but an assured performance. One of the few without any vocal weakness.
16. Portugal: Lovely staging, pleasant song. Would have done well in 1973. Started badly but singing is very nice, very sweet.
17. Malta: OH MY GOD THIS GIANT WOMAN WILL KILL US ALL... *cough* A very good performance, strong voice, it's a shame the song's a bit dull. I reckon this is a contender too. Nicky reckons it's a film ballad, you expect Meg Ryan to be sailing away on a boat or something in a montage.
18. Bosnia-Herzogovina: Arguments about the staging in our house - N really liked it, J was not so sure.

And so on with the voting while I carry on rebuilding the dancefloor (which at least still fits together, although I pulled my back hauling it in from the garage...).

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Via esctoday.com:

Gary Barlow, lead singer and songwriter for Take That has now joined Team Jade. He will write some of the pop tracks on her debut album, expected to be released after the Eurovision Song Contest in Moscow this May.

Sadly our Eurovision entry this year is pretty much a done deal, but perhaps she can release some other music off the back of it which doesn't suck and garner some popularity that way. Seems unlikely though.

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It's not far away really, we've already started sending out the volley of invitations to our annual Eurovision party, so I reckon it's about time to start tearing entries apart.

First off let's just get the whole Andrew Lloyd-Webber thing out of the way: it's a crap song, something picked up from the dregs of Tell Me On A Sunday or Sunset Boulevard, reminiscent of Perfect Moment perhaps. In short I really don't like it and I think it'll shove us to the bottom of the table. I'd expected better, but that can't be helped now.

Then onto the performer of the UK entry, Jade Ewen. I'm sure she's a nice lass but it seems that in common with R&B singers she can't resist dicking around with the melody - stick to the fucking tune, woman. We hoped that the twin blonde lasses would win, after all they seemed to be able to sing and had a good gimmick (you can see all the performances here until the BBC remove them, probably in the name of progress). Never mind, can't be helped either, we can but hope she gets better and "Lord Andy" fixes the song a bit en-route.

More fun stuff: I've got a pile of MP3s here which are the confirmed country entrants so far. Bear in mind all of these have to get through the semis (the 'bye' is saved for the funding countries of the EBU and the host country):

• Albania's Take Me Into Your Dreams is euro-pop again with a 'local folk' bent. I'm sure I've heard this before somewhere.
• Denmark's sounded to me like Boyzone as it started, but no it's Brinck singing Believe Again. Really, it does sound like an Irish boy-band.
• Finland up next - Waldo's People singing Lose Control. Massed choirs singing europop, rapping bloke, trance synths and an inexplicable heavy-distort guitar in the chorus. Actually, this'd be something popular on Gaydar Radio. Straight through to the final I think.
• Patricia Kaas is the French entry: the sounds of falling rain, a honky-tonk piano, a miserable lovelorn woman. It had to be done apparently, but at least they're singing in French this year. I'll be surprised if this hits the final.
• Hungary: Sha la la la, how we party! Sounds like early 90s stuff, same sort of thing you'd hear on Atlantic-252, reminiscent of something I can't quite put my finger on but which is probably mixed by Teddy Riley. I like this but then I'm a disco funk whore.
• Iceland's song Easy To Fool is Jimmy Buffett maybe? ;)
• Montenegro's song Just Get Out Of My Life features a little bit of the native folk sound (great strings by the way) but to me screams "classic Eurovision". Not sure it'll make it to the final but it's got the right ingredients.
• Netherlands: more massed choirs but it's got a Boyzone clone as well, turning into a europop foot-stomper. Not quite sure if this'll make the final or not.
• Romania: The Balkan Girls is perhaps their version of Las Ketchup or Cheeky Girls. Soulless attempts at Europop.
• Slovenia: have they stolen Bond for this? Either way it sounds like a TV show theme... the vocals don't come in until 1m 10s and even then they're sparse on the ground. I wonder if they'll actually have a string section on stage for this? Would be interesting...
• Turkey: Dum Tek Tek is predictably ethnic... I don't think they've learned in previous years.

One thing's for sure - many of these are better than Jade Ewen and ALW. They've definitely got their work cut out for them, that pair.

(Apologies if this post is a little disjointed - I've just jotted the last entry down over the course of a couple of days.)

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OK, this is probably the final entry on Eurovision 2008, but the first on Eurovision 2009:

• The BBC have said the UK will not withdraw (esctoday.com article). Mind, I didn't realise the BBC funded about 40% of the contest, maybe that does need to change.
• Terry Wogan's Radio 2 show this morning featured much furious back-pedalling, but he did state he would review his involvement if "something" didn't change.
• 2009 provisional dates are: Tuesday May 12th 2009 - Semi Final 1; Thursday May 14th 2009 - Semi Final 2; Saturday May 16th 2009 - Final.
• Worldwide viewing figures dropped this year, on average 20%.
• Interesting article on language being a factor in the sea change, rather than political voting.

More water. I'm still hung over.

Edit: Thanks to Col who noticed the first link was incorrect. Fixed. Told you I was hung over.

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Ah, Eurovision comedown in the cold light of day! 36 hours on and the dust has settled: the flags come down for another year, the blu-tak has taken another bit of wallpaper off, the bottle bin is full of empties, the lounge smells of stale beer, there's half-filled airbeds to be thrown back in the loft and we'll be living off leftovers for the next week.

Terry Wogan commented: "Indeed, western European participants have to decide whether they want to take part from here on in because their prospects are poor." It would be sad - but understandable - if the UK did not participate, after all Austria have been refusing to take part in protest for the past 5 years. Maybe it becomes a European Song Contest (the EBU is a different body and goes far beyond 'Europe').

As an experiment, ESCtoday.com have posted a voting analysis on East vs West and - perhaps more relevant to Terry's comments - how voting would have looked if only the finalist countries were allowed to vote in the final. To be fair, there's not much change - Russia still aces it.

Nicky did make an interesting comment: "Out of the songs this year, which can you still remember and whistle two days on?" The enduring thing about the Scooch song was that one year on it's still being whistled and sung (not least by the kids). The Chiki-Chiki song (Spain's entry this year) has hooks you can remember, same with a few others that didn't even get a look-in (yes Estonia, I'm talking to you). 'Even If' (UK this year) doesn't have that memorable quality - last year I was surprised at our low score, this year I'm not.

So, goodnight Belgrade. Next year is Moscow, which at least gives an easier catering angle - vodka and potatoes :)

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Our annual Eurovision Party took place yesterday, and I think it was the best party we've ever held: the mix of people was just right, everyone was on top form, nobody got stroppy, and the kids were brilliant!

Some highlights from the party...

• The first version of the disco dancefloor was unveiled. Slight issues included the LEDs not working, the wiring not being done, and Si still building the floor at 6:30pm. Thankfully Will's good at soldering so between the pair of them they got it working! I've lost my Youtube virginity by showing off some video of it in action (those are Si's feet by the way!). It survived without a scratch as well - perspex was a good investment (after seven dancers did 'Macarena' on it too).
• Fancy dress outfit highlights: Marios as Ireland; Marcia and Sprockers turning up as the Icelandic entry; Nairn as 'Gaybeard The Pirate' (seen on the right in this photo); Ellie as Scooch; Nicky as an Azerbeijani angel; and yours truly as Jahn Teigen (just bloody Google it, I'm sick of explaining!).
• Marios's fantastic collages which still adorn our front room.
• Lots of folks turning up for the show - friends we've not seen in years, people who are lovely. Nobody at all we thought 'mm, maybe they'll feel out of place' ;)
• Macarena at 2:30am. No kidding. The neighbours probably won't speak to us again - sorry Wrenthorpe Road.
• Ellie getting into the groove - video here.

There are photos of the evening too!

Notes on Eurovision itself:

• Andy Abraham gave an excellent performance, but the UK will not win - we don't have enough political allies. Wogan's right, it's not about the music any more.
• Spain (Chiki Chiki) was my favourite at the end. 75 Cent was good. Sad not to see Estonia in the final ("Lato Svet"), their song was utter genius.
• Sad to see Ken Bishop (Wogan's producer) deciding not to do it any more, but retirement comes. I hope Wogan does it again but it sounded like he was sick of it this year.
• The Russian winner entry was crap - they could have sent a tramp to shit on the stage and they'd still have won.
• Thus, the block voting protection didn't work this year. Period. Rethink is required of the EBU Board.

I'm still in recovery of course. I shall update my Eurovision Party stuff with this year's notes, and watch out for further DDF development on the DDF Project Page! :P

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First Eurovision semi-final tonight. I've already reviewed the songs (admittedly without the imagery) so I'll not rehash it here, but here's who we think should go through:

• Nicky's choices: Israel; Moldova; Belgium; Ireland; Finland.
• My choices: Estonia (especially for the bizarre lyrics and Ron Jeremy lookalike); Belgium; Ireland; Andorra (although as N pointed out, she sings it really badly); Finland; Greece.

Incidentally, dunno if any of you lot had it on red-button but the subtitled lyrics take up much more of the screen than last year - bit cack really, we turned them off after 20 minutes. Wonder if the subtitles will run any better - I'll have to try that on Thursday for the second semi-final.

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It's less than a week to the final of the Eurovision Song Contest 2008.

The BBC's own coverage is slightly more limited this year, but:

• Tuesday 20th May, 8pm, BBC3: Semi-final #1
• Thursday 22nd May, 8pm, BBC3: Semi-final #2
• Friday 23rd May, 9:30am-12pm, Radio 2: Ken Bruce Live from Belgrade
• Saturday 24th May, 8pm, BBC1: Final (simulcast on Radio 2, if there is such a thing nowadays).

We're having the usual party at Wrenthorpe (get in touch if you want an invite to the event page on Facebook), and it sounds like there's quite a few outfits on their way this year! Only drawback is that sometime this week I have to find time to finish a dancefloor, a blue air-hostess outfit, and clear the house up ;)

If you're having your own party and want ideas, a few years ago I wrote Eurovision Party crib-notes and of course the Beeb have their own version.

If you're after comment and punditry, there's nowhere better than ESCtoday, the spiritual home of the Eurovisionophile!

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I'm not sure this will work: Andy Abraham (the UK Eurovision entry) "...will release his Eurovision entry the week of the competiton. The song will be available for digital download one week before."

We're one month away from the first semi-final, and we've heard little about any promotion or touring (if his schedule couldn't accommodate Eurovision maybe he shouldn't have been in MYMU); two weeks before maybe, but not one.

We're stuffed this year anyway - my money's on Latvia.

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Reading about the French entry being slammed for not being sung in French, it occurred to me Sebastien Tellier bears more than a passing resemblance to Alan Cox. Especially this pic.

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